the short version
- Decade of soul destroying corporate ladder climbing.
- Cliched backpacking around SE Asia to reconnect with my purpose 😉
- 2017 : trained as a coach with BYCA
- Built my soul mission business for 3 years.
- Burned out.
- Realised that being a lightworker with a soul mission business was really just my unhealed codependent and good girl programming running the show.
- Integrated the dark feminine and rebuilt my business strategically to meet my own needs without guilt.
- NOW: Sharing the magic with other burned out entrepreneurs to disrupt the #lighterworker business epidemic (e.g. the hobbyist who puts everyone before herself, barely makes any money and doesn’t get anything done) so she can embrace her full spectrum of power and create a foundation of financial wellbeing through her work, with clarity.
The long version
Hi, I’m Emma.
I started my coaching business following my training with BYCA in 2017. It’s been…um, let’s just say, not what I expected.
I thought I’d study coaching, build a website and clients would find me. I had zero idea that at least 30% of my job as a Coach would be online marketing. And before you switch off to find a business coach who tells you you don’t have to focus on marketing (which is what I did) let me tell you, I’ve tried EVERY way I could think of to get around this and it just isn’t possible (but there are ways to deal better with the intense resistance, namely understanding why the resistance is there in the first place, which is why I’ve dedicated my work to it!).
Around the same time as training to become a coach I was diving deep into spirituality exploring tarot, spirit guides, higher self communion, kundalini yoga, lucid dreaming, past lives, soul awakening, etc.
I fell into a world of soul missions, life purpose and letting your heart guide your business. It sounded like heaven after a decade of climbing the corporate ladder, denying my souls voice the entire time.
In hindsight, it seems obvious to me; my soul is here to grow, and growth is rarely comfortable. Growth requires deep healing, death and rebirth, shedding skins, pain, facing fears – so by treating my business like a ‘soul mission / life purpose’ I’d inadvertently welcomed all that stuff into my professional life and business.
BIG MISTAKE, HUGE.
Every part of the business became an opportunity to heal some very old, very hard stuff. I’m grateful for the growth, no doubt about it, but it ruined my business dreams.
Within 3 years of starting I’d created my first £15k course launch and earned double that year than my old corporate salary had paid me. I should’ve been on top of the world but instead, I was completely burned out.
I couldn’t go on and had to stop everything. No more newsletters, no more Instagram. All I did was coach the clients who were already in programmes with me (which I loved), but nothing more.
I’d given everything I could…and that’s actually a clue to what needed to happen for change to occur.
Slowly, I started to see how my codependent tendencies and good girl programming had been running my business, just under a new guise: ‘lightworker’. I’d swung fully into light feminine following years of excess dark masculine from the corporate hyper-productivity focussed job and a childhood of western, hyper-achievement focussed schooling.
My ascent into lightworker status, like everything in this polarised world, had it’s positive and negative sides. On the positive, I learned to hear and value my intuition more deeply. On the negative, I over-gave, sought approval from others, wore a mask which exhausted me to uphold, put my own needs for financial security last in order to meet some intense ethical standard as a result of a poor choice of investment in a coach in my first year in business, and so much more.
I didn’t see any of this at the time. I had rose-tinted glasses on and saw all of my actions as those of a loving, ethical, giving soul who was here for a higher purpose: to serve. Ugh. It makes me feel so weird now.
What goes up must come down.
The ascent was followed by a natural swing back toward the other polarity, but this time, I was ready for it. If I’d have swung back unconsciously, it would’ve been back to dark masculine: overly structured, hustle, productivity, harshness, competition, control.
Luckily, during my time off from my business, I’d discovered new depth to my spiritual understanding. One that wasn’t centred around light. One that didn’t make me feel like I had to be ‘good’. One that didn’t result in martydom.
Instead, it felt more grounded and true: Present Awareness.
Present awareness allowed me to explore the dark feminine, which gave me permission to put my own needs first. It gave me a chance to centre myself and explore what to me felt like selfishness, but was really a rebalancing of unhealthy selflessness.
This improved my previously low self-esteem and I started to feel…powerful. It was new. It was exciting.
I allowed myself to be strategic and finally treat my business…like a business, not my souls mission or purpose.
Present awareness let me see this clearly, because it clued me in to my souls true reason for being here: there isn’t one – and that’s JOYFUL FREEDOM. I get to just be. To create, to witness, to cry, to laugh, to travel, to stay still, to love, to win and to lose – to experience it all. And from a place outside of desires and fears, all of it is welcome.
My business exists to help as many as possible unrealised good girl / codependents not to grow up to become a lightworker with a soul mission business and instead facilitate their initiation into present awareness via dark feminine so their businesses are profitable, focussed and meets their needs, so they can simply be – because that’s the reason your soul is truly here.